Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.

Quote by WCFields

Topics: Children Quotes, Funny Quotes

If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a...

If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a...

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank...

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank...

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at...

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at...

Twas a woman who drove me to drink. I never had the courtesy to thank...

Twas a woman who drove me to drink. I never had the courtesy to thank...

Start every day with a smile and get it over with.

Start every day with a smile and get it over with.

A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink.

A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink.

For my flesh is meat indeed, and my blood is drink indeed.

For my flesh is meat indeed, and my blood is drink indeed.

Let God work through you and there will be no more duty. Let God shine...

Let God work through you and there will be no more duty. Let God shine...

No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as drink.

No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as drink.

They shall not drink wine with a song; strong drink shall be bitter to them...

They shall not drink wine with a song; strong drink shall be bitter to them...

And they found an Egyptian in the field, and brought him to David, and gave...

And they found an Egyptian in the field, and brought him to David, and gave...

And ye shall eat fat till ye be full, and drink blood till ye be...

And ye shall eat fat till ye be full, and drink blood till ye be...

It is sweet to drink but bitter to pay for.

It is sweet to drink but bitter to pay for.

And in that day did the Lord GOD of hosts call to weeping, and to...

And in that day did the Lord GOD of hosts call to weeping, and to...

I can remember a reporter asking me for a quote, and I didn't know what...

I can remember a reporter asking me for a quote, and I didn't know what...

And all the people went their way to eat, and to drink, and to send...

And all the people went their way to eat, and to drink, and to send...

I drink no more than a sponge.

I drink no more than a sponge.

Many people - and I think I am one of them - are more productive...

Many people - and I think I am one of them - are more productive...

And they said unto him, 'Why do the disciples of John fast often, and make...

And they said unto him, 'Why do the disciples of John fast often, and make...

If you drink it straight down, you can feel it going into each individual intestine.

If you drink it straight down, you can feel it going into each individual intestine.

Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice.

Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice.