Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.

Quote by WCFields

Topics: Children Quotes, Funny Quotes

Twas a woman who drove me to drink. I never had the courtesy to thank...

Twas a woman who drove me to drink. I never had the courtesy to thank...

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank...

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank...

Start every day with a smile and get it over with.

Start every day with a smile and get it over with.

A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink.

A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at...

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at...

If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a...

If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a...

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

Get the right people on the bus and in the right seat.

Get the right people on the bus and in the right seat.

It's easy to fool the eye but it's hard to fool the heart.

It's easy to fool the eye but it's hard to fool the heart.

If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.

If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.

The greatest unsolved theorem in mathematics is why some people are better at it than...

The greatest unsolved theorem in mathematics is why some people are better at it than...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age as your beauty fades,...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age as your beauty fades,...

Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.

Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.

There are three things most men love but never understand: females, girls and women.

There are three things most men love but never understand: females, girls and women.

I practice safe sex - I use an airbag.

I practice safe sex - I use an airbag.

A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.

A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Please, dear God, don't let me fuck up.

Please, dear God, don't let me fuck up.

Genius is present in every age, but the men carrying it within them remain benumbed...

Genius is present in every age, but the men carrying it within them remain benumbed...

Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love

Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love

Never does nature say one thing and wisdom another.

Never does nature say one thing and wisdom another.