Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city

Quote by George Burns

Topics: Funny Quotes

I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides,...

I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides,...

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember...

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember...

You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.

You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got...

The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got...

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die...

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die...

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased...

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased...

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman -...

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman -...

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper...

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper...

How beautifully leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days.

How beautifully leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days.

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I...

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I...

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a...

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a...

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good...

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good...

If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and...

If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and...

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only...

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only...

It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.

It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.