Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal and a good woman or a bad woman....

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How do you ask a girl out? Simple. You open the door and say "Get...

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My brain is like the Bermuda Triangle. Information goes in and then it's never found...

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Normal people scare me but not as much as I scare them.

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Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

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When life knocks you down, roll over, and look at the stars.

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Valentine's Day is coming up ? Oh Crap!- I forgot to get a girlfriend again.

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I always think clothes make you look fat, so I prefer to be naked.

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To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove...

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Come out of the closet and still be awesome CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

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The only 'B' word you should call a woman is 'beautiful' . Bitches love being...

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When a guy goes to a hooker, he's not paying her for sex, he's paying...

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My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex she objects.

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If my Valentine you won't be, I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree.

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I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep...

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The great secret of happiness in love is to be glad that the other fellow...

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The only reason Debra keeps me alive it to open jars and kill bugs.

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The idea behind the tuxedo is the woman's point of view that men are all...

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