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Always have a friend with you on Christmas... who can take you back home when...

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Always have a friend with you on Christmas... who can take you back home when...

Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits...

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Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits...

Genius is one percent inspiration, two percent perspiration, and ninety seven percent Tesla

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Genius is one percent inspiration, two percent perspiration, and ninety seven percent Tesla

It symbolize that she's my property and I own her

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It symbolize that she's my property and I own her

A big bear hug for you.

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A big bear hug for you.

New Year's Day is every man's birthday.

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New Year's Day is every man's birthday.

If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffe." "If you were my wife I'd...

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If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffe.

Would you like some aloe vera? You just got burned!

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Would you like some aloe vera? You just got burned!

You have 200. 194. 305 friend requests. I knew this Facebook thing was a bad...

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You have 200. 194. 305 friend requests. I knew this Facebook thing was a bad...

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world . I know because I've...

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Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world . I know because I've...

If a man smiles all the time he's probably selling something that doesn't work

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If a man smiles all the time he's probably selling something that doesn't work

The simplest explanation is almost always somebody screwed up. Arrogance has to be earned. Anomalies...

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The simplest explanation is almost always somebody screwed up. Arrogance has to be earned. Anomalies...

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations. We're doing...

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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations. We're doing...

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving...

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I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving...

The meal is not over when I'm full. The meal is over when I hate...

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The meal is not over when I'm full. The meal is over when I hate...

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

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Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

I always think clothes make you look fat, so I prefer to be naked.

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I always think clothes make you look fat, so I prefer to be naked.

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just...

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I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just...

Will you be my Valentine?

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Will you be my Valentine?

I'm all yours.

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I'm all yours.

I know I’m not always charming I confess that I’m sometimes a bore And surely,...

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I know I’m not always charming I confess that I’m sometimes a bore And surely,...