If you wouldn't make her a wife. Then don't make her a mother.

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Santa Claus has the right idea : visit people only once a year

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You must never underestimate the power of the eyebrow.

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I played Santa Claus many times, if you don't believe it, check out the divorce...

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Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your...

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I can read in Red, I can read in Blue I can read in pickle...

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Dear kids of all ages, Santa is coming after a short break

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We are all little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone...

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The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. Do...

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I love my computer because my friends live in it

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I'm pretty sure the whole "ladies first" when opening up a door was created by...

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Dear Santa, yeah, I was naughty this year and it was worth it, you fat...

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And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could...

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Okay, we took off our clothes, I got on top of you.. How long 'til...

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Murphy's Law : Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself

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Ability is : When you can make three generations of people laugh their socks off...

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When a baby is staring at you and their parents aren't looking

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What I feel like when I stop at a red light next to the ladies......

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