The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits

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Smile, it confuses people!

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I love everybody. Some I love to be around. Some I love to avoid, and...

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Nun: Sister Augustine belives in things that aren't real. House: I thought that was a...

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My first instinct when I see an animal is to say hello My first instinct...

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Oh I offended you with my opinion?! You should hear the ones I keep to...

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Sometimes the best part of my job is that my chair swivels

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I've found the key to happiness. Stay the hell away from assholes

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The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is...

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My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping...

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Girls who love football are not weird. They're a rare gift from God. Those girls...

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Love is a blind whore with mental disease and no sense of humor

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The more you do, the more mistakes you'll make

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Stop thinking of fun and have it

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You can never make the same mistake twice because the second time you make it,...

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I made me laugh

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A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted

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When I hired you I knew you were insane I will continue to try and...

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