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You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh

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You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she...

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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she...

You never know what you have until you clean your room

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You never know what you have until you clean your room

Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

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Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work...

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Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work...

We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance

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We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance

It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best,...

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It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best,...

Friends joke with one another. Hey, you're poor. Hey, your momma's dead. That's what friends...

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Friends joke with one another. Hey, you're poor. Hey, your momma's dead. That's what friends...

If the guy's a cutie you've got to tap that booty.

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If the guy's a cutie you've got to tap that booty.

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal and a good woman or a bad woman....

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Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal and a good woman or a bad woman....

If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffe." "If you were my wife I'd...

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If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffe.

A well tailored suit is to women what lingerie is to men

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A well tailored suit is to women what lingerie is to men

The only problem with sleeping with strangers is.. they're strange

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The only problem with sleeping with strangers is.. they're strange

Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.

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Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.

Dr. Cameron: You want me to tell a man whose wife is about to die...

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Dr. Cameron: You want me to tell a man whose wife is about to die...

I want your ugly I want your disease I want your love love I want...

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I want your ugly I want your disease I want your love love I want...

Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits.

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Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

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Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

Facebook should have a limit on how many times you can change your relationship status....

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Facebook should have a limit on how many times you can change your relationship status....

I know what it is to feel like you're not in the room till he...

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I know what it is to feel like you're not in the room till he...