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You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh

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You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh

To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove...

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To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove...

OK, yes it's a mistake. I know it's a mistake, but there are certain things...

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OK, yes it's a mistake. I know it's a mistake, but there are certain things...

When life knocks you down, roll over, and look at the stars.

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When life knocks you down, roll over, and look at the stars.

A well tailored suit is to women what lingerie is to men

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A well tailored suit is to women what lingerie is to men

My tremendous intuitive sense of the female creature informs me that you are troubled.

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My tremendous intuitive sense of the female creature informs me that you are troubled.

Falling in love is like being the frog disected in biology class. They open you...

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Falling in love is like being the frog disected in biology class. They open you...

Nun: Sister Augustine belives in things that aren't real. House: I thought that was a...

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Nun: Sister Augustine belives in things that aren't real. House: I thought that was a...

I want to breed a dog called 'SnickerDoodle'. I've got the 'oodle' part covered

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I want to breed a dog called 'SnickerDoodle'. I've got the 'oodle' part covered

I've found the key to happiness. Stay the hell away from assholes

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I've found the key to happiness. Stay the hell away from assholes

The only problem with sleeping with strangers is.. they're strange

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The only problem with sleeping with strangers is.. they're strange

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep...

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I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep...

An old man: You're Dr. House, aren't you? House: Oh God, don´t tell we used...

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An old man: You're Dr. House, aren't you? House: Oh God, don´t tell we used...

A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.

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A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.

You never know what you have until you clean your room

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You never know what you have until you clean your room

Don't have sex, cause you will get pregnant and die.

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Don't have sex, cause you will get pregnant and die.

Girls who love football are not weird. They're a rare gift from God. Those girls...

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Girls who love football are not weird. They're a rare gift from God. Those girls...

Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree; Your ornaments are history.

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Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree; Your ornaments are history.

Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step...

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Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step...

Come live in my heart and pay no rent. Will you be my Valentine?

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Come live in my heart and pay no rent. Will you be my Valentine?