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What I feel like when I stop at a red light next to the ladies......

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What I feel like when I stop at a red light next to the ladies......

Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out...

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Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out...

A lot of guys think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent she...

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A lot of guys think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent she...

Would you like some aloe vera? You just got burned!

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Would you like some aloe vera? You just got burned!

Haloween=candy Thanksgiving=food Christmas=gifts New Year=drinks Valentines=sex Birthday=All the above.jpg

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Haloween=candy Thanksgiving=food Christmas=gifts New Year=drinks Valentines=sex Birthday=All the above.jpg

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's...

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I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's...

You know how they say that you can't live without love? Well oxigen is even...

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You know how they say that you can't live without love? Well oxigen is even...

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have...

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Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have...

The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get

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The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get

No one will win the battle of the sexe, there is too much flirting with...

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No one will win the battle of the sexe, there is too much flirting with...

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute forget...

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An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute forget...

They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.

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They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.

The lovely thing about being forty is that you can appreciate twenty-five-year-old men

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The lovely thing about being forty is that you can appreciate twenty-five-year-old men

I want your ugly I want your disease I want your love love I want...

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I want your ugly I want your disease I want your love love I want...

Tits is a word you can't say on television. That's such a friendly word. It's...

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Tits is a word you can't say on television. That's such a friendly word. It's...

The 8-Track is to today's stereos like what a girlfriend is to wife an earlier,...

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The 8-Track is to today's stereos like what a girlfriend is to wife an earlier,...

A lot of times when a package says 'Open other end', I purposely open the...

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A lot of times when a package says 'Open other end', I purposely open the...

You must never underestimate the power of the eyebrow.

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You must never underestimate the power of the eyebrow.

Somewere, something incredible is waiting to be know.

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Somewere, something incredible is waiting to be know.

No question is so difficult to answer as that to which the answer is obvious

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No question is so difficult to answer as that to which the answer is obvious

The only reason I'm fat is because a tiny body couldn't store all this personality.

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The only reason I'm fat is because a tiny body couldn't store all this personality.