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Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright, Until you hear them...

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Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright, Until you hear them...

The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she's 17 years, 11...

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The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she's 17 years, 11...

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep...

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I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep...

New Year's Resolution Last year Need to get in shape for spring This year need...

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New Year's Resolution Last year Need to get in shape for spring This year need...

She ain't heavy cause she's in my heart already

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She ain't heavy cause she's in my heart already

If you're good at something Never Do it for free

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If you're good at something Never Do it for free

Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.

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Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.

It's funny how you can tell someone likes someone else, but you can't tell when...

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It's funny how you can tell someone likes someone else, but you can't tell when...

A guy with a gun enters a bar. Who the fuck had sex with my...

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A guy with a gun enters a bar. Who the fuck had sex with my...

Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living...

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Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living...

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is...

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The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is...

My brain is like the Bermuda Triangle. Information goes in and then it's never found...

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My brain is like the Bermuda Triangle. Information goes in and then it's never found...

Life isn't like a bowl of cherries, it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What...

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Life isn't like a bowl of cherries, it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What...

If a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If...

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If a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If...

Video games don't affect kids. If Pacman had affected us as kids, we'd all be...

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Video games don't affect kids. If Pacman had affected us as kids, we'd all be...

Dr. Cuddy: When's the last time you showered? House: Scent of a man. I realize...

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Dr. Cuddy: When's the last time you showered? House: Scent of a man. I realize...

A good man can feel sexy, strong and able to take on the world... oh...

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A good man can feel sexy, strong and able to take on the world... oh...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

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Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I...

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I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I...

If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough.

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If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough.

I'm mistaken for a flirt when I'm friendly. I'm mistaken for mean when I'm honest....

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I'm mistaken for a flirt when I'm friendly. I'm mistaken for mean when I'm honest....