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The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get

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The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get

I knew you would come, Santa! Hey, Santa, where's your big, round belly?

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I knew you would come, Santa! Hey, Santa, where's your big, round belly?

When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. No one showed...

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When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. No one showed...

If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffe." "If you were my wife I'd...

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If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffe.

It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that...

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It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that...

What I feel like when I stop at a red light next to the ladies......

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What I feel like when I stop at a red light next to the ladies......

A quiet man is a thinking man, a quiet women is hatching plan

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A quiet man is a thinking man, a quiet women is hatching plan

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could...

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And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could...

Don't Panic.Organize!

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Don't Panic.Organize!

If a man smiles all the time he's probably selling something that doesn't work

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If a man smiles all the time he's probably selling something that doesn't work

There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

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There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

I always think clothes make you look fat, so I prefer to be naked.

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I always think clothes make you look fat, so I prefer to be naked.

The idea behind the tuxedo is the woman's point of view that men are all...

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The idea behind the tuxedo is the woman's point of view that men are all...

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known,...

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A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known,...

We go together like copy and paste

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We go together like copy and paste

You know how they say that you can't live without love? Well oxigen is even...

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You know how they say that you can't live without love? Well oxigen is even...

Would I rather be feared or loved. Easy, both. I want people to be afraid...

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Would I rather be feared or loved. Easy, both. I want people to be afraid...

Oh I offended you with my opinion?! You should hear the ones I keep to...

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Oh I offended you with my opinion?! You should hear the ones I keep to...

What's the good of living if you don't try a few things?

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What's the good of living if you don't try a few things?

Only a true best friend can protect you from your immortal enemies.

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Only a true best friend can protect you from your immortal enemies.

Don't underestimate the seductive power of a decent vocabulary

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Don't underestimate the seductive power of a decent vocabulary

Never underestimate the capacity of other people to let you down.

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Never underestimate the capacity of other people to let you down.