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Come out of the closet and still be awesome CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

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Come out of the closet and still be awesome CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

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There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

"How are you going to feel when he sees you without any makeup?" "I'm not...

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There's three rules of cheating. It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married....

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There's three rules of cheating. It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married....

Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits...

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Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits...

All I want is to find a guy like Ted who'll love me like Marshall...

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All I want is to find a guy like Ted who'll love me like Marshall...

I can't do this anymore. I can't keep smiling and being optimistic all the time...

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I can't do this anymore. I can't keep smiling and being optimistic all the time...

No, it was my fault for thinking that you might care

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No, it was my fault for thinking that you might care

The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she's 17 years, 11...

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The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she's 17 years, 11...

When you're down Friends say: "If you need me, give me a call". Best friends...

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When you're down Friends say:

In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland....

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In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland....

Love the life you live. Live the life you love.

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Love the life you live. Live the life you love.

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is...

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Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is...

'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...

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'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...

If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffe." "If you were my wife I'd...

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If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffe.

If a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If...

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If a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If...

There is a reason it's called "Girls gone wild" and NOT "Women gone wild". When...

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There is a reason it's called

A witty saying proves nothing

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A witty saying proves nothing

Hate to see you leave but love to watch you go. Cause of your butt.

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Hate to see you leave but love to watch you go. Cause of your butt.

I'm at the age where I want two girls In case I fall asleep they...

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I'm at the age where I want two girls In case I fall asleep they...

I made me laugh

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I made me laugh

Sex is like math. Add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and hope...

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Sex is like math. Add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and hope...