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The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she's 17 years, 11...

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The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she's 17 years, 11...

"How are you going to feel when he sees you without any makeup?" "I'm not...

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All I want is to find a guy like Ted who'll love me like Marshall...

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All I want is to find a guy like Ted who'll love me like Marshall...

I can't do this anymore. I can't keep smiling and being optimistic all the time...

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I can't do this anymore. I can't keep smiling and being optimistic all the time...

Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits...

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Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits...

There's three rules of cheating. It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married....

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There's three rules of cheating. It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married....

Come out of the closet and still be awesome CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

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Come out of the closet and still be awesome CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

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There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

When you're down Friends say: "If you need me, give me a call". Best friends...

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When you're down Friends say:

No, it was my fault for thinking that you might care

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No, it was my fault for thinking that you might care

It's not about who hurt you and broke you down, it's about who was always...

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It's not about who hurt you and broke you down, it's about who was always...

Nobody wants to hear this but sometimes the person you want most is the person...

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Nobody wants to hear this but sometimes the person you want most is the person...

Never make permanent decisions on temporary feelings

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Never make permanent decisions on temporary feelings

If he could be just mine alone without her presence always near would I ever...

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If he could be just mine alone without her presence always near would I ever...

He says he loves me only i'm the one who brings him joy but would...

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He says he loves me only i'm the one who brings him joy but would...

You touched my heart you touched my soul.You changed my life and all my goals....

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You touched my heart you touched my soul.You changed my life and all my goals....

Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!' I shrieked upstarting - `Get...

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Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!' I shrieked upstarting - `Get...

It hurts to love in vain, hurts even more to know that the one you...

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It hurts to love in vain, hurts even more to know that the one you...

If he only wants your breasts, legs, and thighs, send him to KFC

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If he only wants your breasts, legs, and thighs, send him to KFC

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart But the very next day, You gave it...

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Last Christmas, I gave you my heart But the very next day, You gave it...

Golden rule: I do not buy dinner to get yes. Dinner's a very intimate activity....

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Golden rule: I do not buy dinner to get yes. Dinner's a very intimate activity....

I wish never have to feel the pain when he goes home to his wife

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I wish never have to feel the pain when he goes home to his wife