Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?

Quote by Frank Carson

Topics: Funny Quotes, Jokes Quotes

I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.

I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.

So I rang up British Telecom, I said 'I want to report a nuisance caller',...

So I rang up British Telecom, I said 'I want to report a nuisance caller',...

I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack...

I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack...

The harvest of old age is the recollection and abundance of blessing previously secured.

The harvest of old age is the recollection and abundance of blessing previously secured.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

The biggest disease this day and age is that of people feeling unloved.

The biggest disease this day and age is that of people feeling unloved.

Had it not been for you, I should have remained what I was when we...

Had it not been for you, I should have remained what I was when we...

I try to do the right thing with money. Save a dollar here and there,...

I try to do the right thing with money. Save a dollar here and there,...

Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare...

Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare...

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Sound, sound the clarion, fill the fife, Throughout the sensual world proclaim, One crowded hour...

Sound, sound the clarion, fill the fife, Throughout the sensual world proclaim, One crowded hour...

My 'check engine' light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and...

My 'check engine' light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and...

No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.

No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.

I put my hand on the dark skin and felt the chill of centuries long...

I put my hand on the dark skin and felt the chill of centuries long...

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you...

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you...

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.

I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me superman.

I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me superman.

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we...

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we...

The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my...

The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my...

Age-based retirement arbitrarily severs productive persons from their livelihood, squanders their talents, scars their health,...

Age-based retirement arbitrarily severs productive persons from their livelihood, squanders their talents, scars their health,...

I'd rather laugh in bed than do it. If I went to a lady of...

I'd rather laugh in bed than do it. If I went to a lady of...