The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.

Quote by Joe E Lewis

Topics: Funny Quotes

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would...

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would...

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days...

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days...

There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.

There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to...

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to...

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a...

Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a...

I drink to forget I drink.

I drink to forget I drink.

We can afford almost any mistake once.

We can afford almost any mistake once.

I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next...

I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next...

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got...

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got...

Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum.

Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum.

I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.

I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my...

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my...

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty,...

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty,...