As I have grown older I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing everyone off is piece of cake.

As I have grown older I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing everyone off is piece of cake.

Topics: Funny Picture Quotes, Life Picture Quotes

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work...

— view —

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work...

What I feel like when I stop at a red light next to the ladies......

— view —

What I feel like when I stop at a red light next to the ladies......

My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex she objects.

— view —

My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex she objects.

The lovely thing about being forty is that you can appreciate twenty-five-year-old men

— view —

The lovely thing about being forty is that you can appreciate twenty-five-year-old men

Okay, we took off our clothes, I got on top of you.. How long 'til...

— view —

Okay, we took off our clothes, I got on top of you.. How long 'til...

Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.

— view —

Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.

A lot of guys think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent she...

— view —

A lot of guys think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent she...

When 2 couples meet face to face, wives look at each other's dresses, and husbands...

— view —

When 2 couples meet face to face, wives look at each other's dresses, and husbands...

When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. No one showed...

— view —

When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. No one showed...

You know we're good friends when I no longer feel the need to clean up...

— view —

You know we're good friends when I no longer feel the need to clean up...

Find what you love and let it kill you.

— view —

Find what you love and let it kill you.

Drink' till she's cute but stop before the wedding

— view —

Drink' till she's cute but stop before the wedding

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal and a good woman or a bad woman....

— view —

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal and a good woman or a bad woman....

If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was pretty, I...

— view —

If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was pretty, I...

When I die I want my last words to be, I left a million dollars...

— view —

When I die I want my last words to be, I left a million dollars...

Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step...

— view —

Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step...

Valentine's Day is coming up ? Oh Crap!- I forgot to get a girlfriend again.

— view —

Valentine's Day is coming up ? Oh Crap!- I forgot to get a girlfriend again.

In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland....

— view —

In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland....

I'm making some changes in my life, if you don't hear anything from me you...

— view —

I'm making some changes in my life, if you don't hear anything from me you...

If life was easy. Where would all the adventures be?

— view —

If life was easy. Where would all the adventures be?