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I'm at the age where I want two girls In case I fall asleep they...

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I'm at the age where I want two girls In case I fall asleep they...

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them

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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and...

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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and...

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she...

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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she...

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a...

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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a...

If it weren't for pick-pocketers, I'd have no sex life at all

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If it weren't for pick-pocketers, I'd have no sex life at all

I'll tell ya my wife and I, we don't think alike She donates money to...

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I'll tell ya my wife and I, we don't think alike She donates money to...

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations. We're doing...

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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations. We're doing...

You never know what you have until you clean your room

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You never know what you have until you clean your room

What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes.

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What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes.

Friends joke with one another. Hey, you're poor. Hey, your momma's dead. That's what friends...

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Friends joke with one another. Hey, you're poor. Hey, your momma's dead. That's what friends...

It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that...

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It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that...

Find what you love and let it kill you.

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Find what you love and let it kill you.

A wife says to her husband "I want you to whisper dirty things in my...

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A wife says to her husband

Love is a blind whore with mental disease and no sense of humor

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Love is a blind whore with mental disease and no sense of humor

You know how they say that you can't live without love? Well oxigen is even...

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You know how they say that you can't live without love? Well oxigen is even...

Everything I like is either illegal, immoral, fattening, expensive or impossible

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Everything I like is either illegal, immoral, fattening, expensive or impossible

All right, you guys, just permit me one sentimental moment here. I have something to...

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All right, you guys, just permit me one sentimental moment here. I have something to...

Dr. Cameron: You want me to tell a man whose wife is about to die...

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Dr. Cameron: You want me to tell a man whose wife is about to die...

Falling in love is like being the frog disected in biology class. They open you...

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Falling in love is like being the frog disected in biology class. They open you...

I played Santa Claus many times, if you don't believe it, check out the divorce...

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I played Santa Claus many times, if you don't believe it, check out the divorce...

Instinct of love toward an object demands a mastery to obtain it, and if a...

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Instinct of love toward an object demands a mastery to obtain it, and if a...

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the...

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More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the...