When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. No one showed up

Picture Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. No one showed up

Topics: Family Picture Quotes, Funny Picture Quotes

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she...

— view —

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she...

I'm at the age where I want two girls In case I fall asleep they...

— view —

I'm at the age where I want two girls In case I fall asleep they...

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and...

— view —

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and...

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them

— view —

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them

If it weren't for pick-pocketers, I'd have no sex life at all

— view —

If it weren't for pick-pocketers, I'd have no sex life at all

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a...

— view —

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a...

I'll tell ya my wife and I, we don't think alike She donates money to...

— view —

I'll tell ya my wife and I, we don't think alike She donates money to...

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations. We're doing...

— view —

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations. We're doing...

When a baby is staring at you and their parents aren't looking

— view —

When a baby is staring at you and their parents aren't looking

The world is a stage but the play is badly cast

— view —

The world is a stage but the play is badly cast

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

— view —

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where...

— view —

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where...

Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living...

— view —

Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living...

You know someone is your true friend if you tell a secret and the next...

— view —

You know someone is your true friend if you tell a secret and the next...

If a man smiles all the time he's probably selling something that doesn't work

— view —

If a man smiles all the time he's probably selling something that doesn't work

She ain't heavy cause she's in my heart already

— view —

She ain't heavy cause she's in my heart already

The next time someone asks if you have a sec, tell them 'Actually, I have...

— view —

The next time someone asks if you have a sec, tell them 'Actually, I have...

A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks, a woman loses hers after...

— view —

A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks, a woman loses hers after...

New Year's Resolutions This year I resolve to be more democratic and I've made a...

— view —

New Year's Resolutions This year I resolve to be more democratic and I've made a...

Delete my feelings for you. Error.The file is too big.

— view —

Delete my feelings for you. Error.The file is too big.

Ability is : When you can make three generations of people laugh their socks off...

— view —

Ability is : When you can make three generations of people laugh their socks off...

You still cross my mind from time to time and I mostly smile.

— view —

You still cross my mind from time to time and I mostly smile.

The secret of a successful marriage is not to be at home too much

— view —

The secret of a successful marriage is not to be at home too much