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It feels good to hear someone say take care but it feels so much better...

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It feels good to hear someone say take care but it feels so much better...

Sex is like math. Add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and hope...

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Sex is like math. Add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and hope...

If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous...

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If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous...

We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance

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We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance

The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she's 17 years, 11...

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The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she's 17 years, 11...

The idea behind the tuxedo is the woman's point of view that men are all...

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The idea behind the tuxedo is the woman's point of view that men are all...

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks...

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When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks...

Open your eyes. Open your ears. Open your mind. Close your mouth

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Open your eyes. Open your ears. Open your mind. Close your mouth

Dear Santa, please send me a baby brother. Santa wrote back: Send me your mother!

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Dear Santa, please send me a baby brother. Santa wrote back: Send me your mother!

The reason people use crucifix against vampires is that vampires are allergic to bullshit.

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The reason people use crucifix against vampires is that vampires are allergic to bullshit.

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better...

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Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better...

The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get

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The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree, in the eyes of children, they...

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Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree, in the eyes of children, they...

OK, yes it's a mistake. I know it's a mistake, but there are certain things...

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OK, yes it's a mistake. I know it's a mistake, but there are certain things...

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could...

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And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could...

I wish life was a remote. Play the easy times. Pause the good times. Fast...

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I wish life was a remote. Play the easy times. Pause the good times. Fast...

If he only wants your breasts, legs, and thighs, send him to KFC

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If he only wants your breasts, legs, and thighs, send him to KFC

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can't eat it or play with...

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Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can't eat it or play with...

If each day is a gift, I would like to know where I can return...

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If each day is a gift, I would like to know where I can return...

Dear kids of all ages, Santa is coming after a short break

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Dear kids of all ages, Santa is coming after a short break