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It feels good to hear someone say take care but it feels so much better...

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It feels good to hear someone say take care but it feels so much better...

Sometimes the best part of my job is that my chair swivels

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Sometimes the best part of my job is that my chair swivels

A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth

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A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot

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As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot

I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot

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I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot

Golden rule: I do not buy dinner to get yes. Dinner's a very intimate activity....

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Golden rule: I do not buy dinner to get yes. Dinner's a very intimate activity....

They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.

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They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep...

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I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep...

Murphy's Law : Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself

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Murphy's Law : Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations. We're doing...

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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations. We're doing...

God, it's me, Barney. What up? I know we don't talk much, But I know...

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God, it's me, Barney. What up? I know we don't talk much, But I know...

What exactly does expression mean "friends with benefits"? Does he provide her with health insurance?

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What exactly does expression mean

The great secret of happiness in love is to be glad that the other fellow...

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The great secret of happiness in love is to be glad that the other fellow...

The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get

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The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get

A lot of times when a package says 'Open other end', I purposely open the...

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A lot of times when a package says 'Open other end', I purposely open the...

A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted

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A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted

I'll tell ya my wife and I, we don't think alike She donates money to...

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I'll tell ya my wife and I, we don't think alike She donates money to...

It's officially New Years Eve! You have less than 24 hrs to do ll the...

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It's officially New Years Eve! You have less than 24 hrs to do ll the...

There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

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There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

They know me in a way no one ever has. They open me to things...

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They know me in a way no one ever has. They open me to things...