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Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal and a good woman or a bad woman....

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Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal and a good woman or a bad woman....

House: No, I hired you because you look good; it's like having a nice piece...

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House: No, I hired you because you look good; it's like having a nice piece...

Friends joke with one another. Hey, you're poor. Hey, your momma's dead. That's what friends...

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Friends joke with one another. Hey, you're poor. Hey, your momma's dead. That's what friends...

Everything I like is either illegal, immoral, fattening, expensive or impossible

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Everything I like is either illegal, immoral, fattening, expensive or impossible

Valentine's Day is coming up ? Oh Crap!- I forgot to get a girlfriend again.

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Valentine's Day is coming up ? Oh Crap!- I forgot to get a girlfriend again.

Why Trick or Treating is better than Sex? You can do the whole neighborhood.

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Why Trick or Treating is better than Sex? You can do the whole neighborhood.

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright, Until you hear them...

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Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright, Until you hear them...

A quiet man is a thinking man, a quiet women is hatching plan

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A quiet man is a thinking man, a quiet women is hatching plan

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just...

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I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just...

The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she's 17 years, 11...

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The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she's 17 years, 11...

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

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When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits.

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Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits.

I swear it wasn't me.. unless it was a good thing then I did it...

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I swear it wasn't me.. unless it was a good thing then I did it...

Women react differently a French woman who sees herself betrayed by her husband will kill...

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Women react differently a French woman who sees herself betrayed by her husband will kill...

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work...

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Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work...

It's funny how you can tell someone likes someone else, but you can't tell when...

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It's funny how you can tell someone likes someone else, but you can't tell when...

I love everybody. Some I love to be around. Some I love to avoid, and...

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I love everybody. Some I love to be around. Some I love to avoid, and...

It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that...

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It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that...

Nature has given women so much power that the law has very wisely given them...

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Nature has given women so much power that the law has very wisely given them...

Well-behaved women seldom make history.

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Well-behaved women seldom make history.