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New Year's Resolutions This year I resolve to be more democratic and I've made a...

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New Year's Resolutions This year I resolve to be more democratic and I've made a...

I'm great in bed I can sleep for days.

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I'm great in bed I can sleep for days.

No one looks back on their and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep

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No one looks back on their and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep

I've got six kids. I'm not done. I'm going to keep having kids until I...

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I've got six kids. I'm not done. I'm going to keep having kids until I...

You know we're good friends when I no longer feel the need to clean up...

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You know we're good friends when I no longer feel the need to clean up...

Joseph: "I'm going to buy them Christmas turkey". Albert: "Buy? Do you really mean buy?"...

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Joseph:

The more you do, the more mistakes you'll make

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The more you do, the more mistakes you'll make

What computer do you have? And please don't say a white one.

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What computer do you have? And please don't say a white one.

Age is something that doesn't matter unless you're a cheese.

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Age is something that doesn't matter unless you're a cheese.

When 2 couples meet face to face, wives look at each other's dresses, and husbands...

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When 2 couples meet face to face, wives look at each other's dresses, and husbands...

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have...

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Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have...

Relationships nowadays = 1 male 1 female 1 hoe 1 ex trying to mess it...

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Relationships nowadays = 1 male 1 female 1 hoe 1 ex trying to mess it...

Always have a friend with you on Christmas... who can take you back home when...

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Always have a friend with you on Christmas... who can take you back home when...

A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks, a woman loses hers after...

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A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks, a woman loses hers after...

Murphy's Law : Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself

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Murphy's Law : Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself

At supervillain college, crazy laughter is probably a two-semester course

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At supervillain college, crazy laughter is probably a two-semester course

Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right.

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Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right.

I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot

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I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do...

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My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do...

It's not that I have something to hide... I have nothing I want you to...

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It's not that I have something to hide... I have nothing I want you to...

What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for The answer to each...

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What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for The answer to each...

Play fair. Don't hit people. Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.

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Play fair. Don't hit people. Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.