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I'm sorry.. I didn't realize that you're an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please, continue while I take notes.
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Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless,...
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The idea behind the tuxedo is the woman's point of view that men are all...
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Life is far too serious a thing to talk seriously about.
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Open your eyes. Open your ears. Open your mind. Close your mouth
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When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.
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How do you ask a girl out? Simple. You open the door and say "Get...
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Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays...
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A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until...
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations. We're doing...
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I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's...
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Falling in love is like being the frog disected in biology class. They open you...
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Good news: The holidays are about family. Bad news: It has to be your own...
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It's useless to hold a person to anything they say when they are in love,...
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Ahh, a little cancer never hurt anybody. Everybody needs a little cancer I think. It's...
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The only time you should look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure that...
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I prefer an interesting vice to a virtue that bores
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When I was little "I'm gonna tell your mom" was the scariest sentence ever
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You know we're good friends when I no longer feel the need to clean up...
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Friends are the most important ingredient in the recipe of life.
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Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love, to work, to...
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He who has a why to live can bear almost any how
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Play fair. Don't hit people. Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
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