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I'm sorry.. I didn't realize that you're an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please, continue while I take notes.
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If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as...
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Only 3 types of people tell the truth: Kids, the drunk and the angry.
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Galaxy's centre tastes of raspberries and smells of rum, say astronomers.
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Haloween=candy Thanksgiving=food Christmas=gifts New Year=drinks Valentines=sex Birthday=All the above.jpg
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It symbolize that she's my property and I own her
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I always think clothes make you look fat, so I prefer to be naked.
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A guy with a gun enters a bar. Who the fuck had sex with my...
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Genius is one percent inspiration, two percent perspiration, and ninety seven percent Tesla
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Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.
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The secret of a successful marriage is not to be at home too much
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When nothing goes right.... go left.
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Medicine prolongs life but death will seize the doctor too
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Don't have sex, cause you will get pregnant and die.
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Smile, it confuses people!
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An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays...
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May the internet bring you comfort when your family goes insane this holiday season
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A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished.
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A witty saying proves nothing
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It's not the FUTURE that you're afraid of. It's repeating the PAST that makes you...
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Your life is a result of the choices you make... If you don't like your...
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Live well. Laugh Often. Love forever
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Play fair. Don't hit people. Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
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