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When a guy goes to a hooker, he's not paying her for sex, he's paying...

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When a guy goes to a hooker, he's not paying her for sex, he's paying...

Every night, I have to read a book, so that my mind will stop thinking...

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Every night, I have to read a book, so that my mind will stop thinking...

They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.

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They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.

If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was pretty, I...

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If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was pretty, I...

I swear it wasn't me.. unless it was a good thing then I did it...

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I swear it wasn't me.. unless it was a good thing then I did it...

A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks, a woman loses hers after...

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A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks, a woman loses hers after...

Dr. Cuddy: When's the last time you showered? House: Scent of a man. I realize...

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Dr. Cuddy: When's the last time you showered? House: Scent of a man. I realize...

There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

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There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

Women react differently a French woman who sees herself betrayed by her husband will kill...

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Women react differently a French woman who sees herself betrayed by her husband will kill...

I rise at six and then I feed the chicks , And I'm feeling lonesome...

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I rise at six and then I feed the chicks , And I'm feeling lonesome...

My wife wanted me to take her somewhere expensive last night.

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My wife wanted me to take her somewhere expensive last night.

An old man: You're Dr. House, aren't you? House: Oh God, don´t tell we used...

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An old man: You're Dr. House, aren't you? House: Oh God, don´t tell we used...

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal and a good woman or a bad woman....

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Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal and a good woman or a bad woman....

Joy, you have to start drinking again. Like life, you are very hard to take...

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Joy, you have to start drinking again. Like life, you are very hard to take...

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

After one look at this planet, any visitor from outer space would say I want...

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After one look at this planet, any visitor from outer space would say I want...

If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffe." "If you were my wife I'd...

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If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffe.

Drink' till she's cute but stop before the wedding

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Drink' till she's cute but stop before the wedding

The best thing to hold on to in life is each other.

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The best thing to hold on to in life is each other.

You can have it all. Just not all at once.

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You can have it all. Just not all at once.

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not...

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As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not...

Never apologise for what you feel. It's like saying sorry for being real.

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Never apologise for what you feel. It's like saying sorry for being real.