My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

Quote by Joan Rivers

Topics: Joan Rivers Quotes

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

He who limps is still walking.

He who limps is still walking.

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.

Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.

It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.

I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.

I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the...

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the...

The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is...

The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is...

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later...

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later...

Dont talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

Dont talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the...

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the...

Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive...

Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

Exercise should be regarded as tribute to the heart.

Exercise should be regarded as tribute to the heart.

There are really only two requirements when it comes to exercise. One is that you...

There are really only two requirements when it comes to exercise. One is that you...