My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.

Quote by Bob Monkhouse

Topics: Funny Quotes, Jokes Quotes

Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be...

Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be...

I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as...

I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as...

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I...

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I...

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal...

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal...

Now the peak of summer's past, the sky is overcast And the love we swore...

Now the peak of summer's past, the sky is overcast And the love we swore...

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like...

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like...

You can construct the character of a man and his age not only from what...

You can construct the character of a man and his age not only from what...

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

In passing, we should note this curious mark of our own age: the only absolute...

In passing, we should note this curious mark of our own age: the only absolute...

For a quart of Ale is a meal for a King.

For a quart of Ale is a meal for a King.

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

The only 'ism' Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

The only 'ism' Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude...

We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude...

Sometimes when my internet is down I forget the rest of my computer still works....

Sometimes when my internet is down I forget the rest of my computer still works....

I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but...

I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but...

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.

Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare.

Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare.

Milton Berle is an inspiration to every young person that wants to get into show...

Milton Berle is an inspiration to every young person that wants to get into show...