Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?

Quote by Bob Monkhouse

Topics: Bad Day Quotes

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I...

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I...

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as...

I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as...

My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She...

My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She...

We must laugh at man to avoid crying for him.

We must laugh at man to avoid crying for him.

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me

We all need money, but there are degrees of desperation.

We all need money, but there are degrees of desperation.

I can't think why mothers love them. All babies do is leak at both ends.

I can't think why mothers love them. All babies do is leak at both ends.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you...

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you...

You know it's going to be a long day when you yell 'Seriously?!?' at your...

You know it's going to be a long day when you yell 'Seriously?!?' at your...

For the unlearned, old age is winter; for the learned it is the season of...

For the unlearned, old age is winter; for the learned it is the season of...

When I was very young and the urge to be someplace was on me, I...

When I was very young and the urge to be someplace was on me, I...

Sex is a two-way treat.

Sex is a two-way treat.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

I thought coq au vin was love in a lorry.

I thought coq au vin was love in a lorry.

God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say...

God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say...

Drunks do not have friends, but accomplices.

Drunks do not have friends, but accomplices.

Education is what remains when one has forgotten everything he learned in school.

Education is what remains when one has forgotten everything he learned in school.

Every book has an intrinsic impossibility, which its writer discovers as soon as his first...

Every book has an intrinsic impossibility, which its writer discovers as soon as his first...

Vagina jokes aren't funny. Period.

Vagina jokes aren't funny. Period.