I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Quote by Will Shriner

Topics: Funny Quotes

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

Return something not for the possibility of a reward, but for the joy of giving...

Return something not for the possibility of a reward, but for the joy of giving...

A good holiday is one spent among people whose notions of time are vaguer than...

A good holiday is one spent among people whose notions of time are vaguer than...

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

Midlife crisis is that moment when you realize your children and your clothes are about...

Midlife crisis is that moment when you realize your children and your clothes are about...

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

Happy Leap Day! Anyone else hear 2pac is coming back today?

Happy Leap Day! Anyone else hear 2pac is coming back today?

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's...

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's...

I never said most of the things I said.

I never said most of the things I said.

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with...

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with...

Us sing and dance, make faces and give flower bouquets, trying to be loved. You...

Us sing and dance, make faces and give flower bouquets, trying to be loved. You...

You know you're getting fat when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.

You know you're getting fat when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.

If you can't afford taking your kids to the Zoo, try taking them to Wal-Mart...its...

If you can't afford taking your kids to the Zoo, try taking them to Wal-Mart...its...

There are people whose watch stops at a certain hour and who remain permanently at...

There are people whose watch stops at a certain hour and who remain permanently at...

Because of their age long training in human relations for that is what feminine intuition...

Because of their age long training in human relations for that is what feminine intuition...

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

I took the speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's...

I took the speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's...