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The whole thing about the women is, they lust to be misunderstood.

The whole thing about the women is, they lust to be misunderstood.

A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth.

A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth.

This country has gotten where it is in spite of politics, not by the aid...

This country has gotten where it is in spite of politics, not by the aid...

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for...

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for...

Successful colleges will start laying plans for a new stadium; unsuccessful ones will start hunting...

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Successful colleges will start laying plans for a new stadium; unsuccessful ones will start hunting...

It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for.

It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for.

It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you.

It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you.

I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out...

I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out...

In Hollywood the woods are full of people that learned to write but evidently can't...

In Hollywood the woods are full of people that learned to write but evidently can't...

I don't know what humor is. Anything that's funny -- tragedy or anything, it don't...

I don't know what humor is. Anything that's funny -- tragedy or anything, it don't...

In Hollywood you can see things at night that are fast enough to be in...

In Hollywood you can see things at night that are fast enough to be in...

I never lack material for my humor column when Congress is in session.

I never lack material for my humor column when Congress is in session.

Old Hollywood is just like a desert water in Africa. Hang around long enough and...

Old Hollywood is just like a desert water in Africa. Hang around long enough and...

And the thing about my jokes is, they don't hurt anybody. You can take 'em...

And the thing about my jokes is, they don't hurt anybody. You can take 'em...

Strangers are just friends I haven't met yet.

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Strangers are just friends I haven't met yet.

The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

You can't legislate intelligence and common sense into people.

You can't legislate intelligence and common sense into people.

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year...

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year...