Henry Youngman – Quotes Lover

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.

#Funny, #Jokes

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I...

#Funny, #Jokes

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I...

Those bellhops in Miami are tip-happy. I ordered a deck of playing cards and the...

#Funny, #Jokes

Those bellhops in Miami are tip-happy. I ordered a deck of playing cards and the...

So I said, 'Where do you want to go for your anniversary?' She said: 'I...

#Funny, #Jokes

So I said, 'Where do you want to go for your anniversary?' She said: 'I...

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds...

#Funny, #Love

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds...

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

#Funny, #Marriage

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my...

#Funny, #Jokes

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my...

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, 'There's water in the...

#Love

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, 'There's water in the...

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

#Money

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock.

#Money

I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock.

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

#Education

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

#Love, #Meaning, #Men And Women

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

#Women

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

#Drink, #Funny

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to...

#Marriage

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

#Affection, #Love, #Meaning

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up they have no holidays.

#Funny, #Holiday

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up they have no holidays.

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

#Funny, #Teacher

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.