I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle-baby.

Quote by Henry Youngman

Topics: Funny Quotes, Jokes Quotes

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to...

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Those bellhops in Miami are tip-happy. I ordered a deck of playing cards and the...

Those bellhops in Miami are tip-happy. I ordered a deck of playing cards and the...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock

I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my...

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, 'There's water in the...

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, 'There's water in the...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up they have no holidays.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up they have no holidays.

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

So I said, 'Where do you want to go for your anniversary?' She said: 'I...

So I said, 'Where do you want to go for your anniversary?' She said: 'I...

I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock.

I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock.

Money is a kind of poetry.

Money is a kind of poetry.

He who loves money will not be satisfied with money.

He who loves money will not be satisfied with money.

Most people aren't appreciated enough, and the bravest things we do in our lives are...

Most people aren't appreciated enough, and the bravest things we do in our lives are...