I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up they have no holidays.

Quote by Henry Youngman

Topics: Funny Quotes, Holiday Quotes

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I...

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I...

I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock

I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Those bellhops in Miami are tip-happy. I ordered a deck of playing cards and the...

Those bellhops in Miami are tip-happy. I ordered a deck of playing cards and the...

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to...

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to...

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds...

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds...

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

So I said, 'Where do you want to go for your anniversary?' She said: 'I...

So I said, 'Where do you want to go for your anniversary?' She said: 'I...

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, 'There's water in the...

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, 'There's water in the...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Guys don't be afraid to show your girl affection in public and around your friends.

Guys don't be afraid to show your girl affection in public and around your friends.

While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands, you are safe, for you...

While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands, you are safe, for you...

Holding her hand in public, is just another way of saying you're proud to have...

Holding her hand in public, is just another way of saying you're proud to have...

I love him but he dosen't see that we can be in love for real.

I love him but he dosen't see that we can be in love for real.

Elves are wonderful. They provoke wonder. Elves are marvellous. They cause marvels. Elves are fantastic....

Elves are wonderful. They provoke wonder. Elves are marvellous. They cause marvels. Elves are fantastic....

Men are easy to get but hard to keep

Men are easy to get but hard to keep