Those bellhops in Miami are tip-happy. I ordered a deck of playing cards and the bellboy made fifty-two trips to my room.

Quote by Henry Youngman

Topics: Funny Quotes, Jokes Quotes

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my...

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my...

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, 'There's water in the...

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, 'There's water in the...

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds...

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up they have no holidays.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up they have no holidays.

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

So I said, 'Where do you want to go for your anniversary?' She said: 'I...

So I said, 'Where do you want to go for your anniversary?' She said: 'I...

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to...

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

Middle age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature.

Middle age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you...

There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you...

You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over? Movie Day.

You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over? Movie Day.