When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Quote by Henry Youngman

Topics: Drink Quotes, Funny Quotes

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I...

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

So I said, 'Where do you want to go for your anniversary?' She said: 'I...

So I said, 'Where do you want to go for your anniversary?' She said: 'I...

I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock.

I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up they have no holidays.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up they have no holidays.

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my...

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my...

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds...

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds...

I think I swallowed a bug!

I think I swallowed a bug!

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

When old age shall this generation waste, Thou shalt remain, in midst of other woe...

When old age shall this generation waste, Thou shalt remain, in midst of other woe...

If you don't receive love from the ones who are meant to love you, you...

If you don't receive love from the ones who are meant to love you, you...