When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Quote by Henry Youngman

Topics: Drink Quotes, Funny Quotes

I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock.

I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock.

So I said, 'Where do you want to go for your anniversary?' She said: 'I...

So I said, 'Where do you want to go for your anniversary?' She said: 'I...

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds...

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds...

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, 'There's water in the...

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, 'There's water in the...

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock

I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I...

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I...

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my...

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my...

Everyday took an age to go by, which was odd, because days plural went past...

Everyday took an age to go by, which was odd, because days plural went past...

Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo.

Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo.

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on thee and I'll forgive thy great big one...

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on thee and I'll forgive thy great big one...