When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Quote by Henry Youngman

Topics: Drink Quotes, Funny Quotes

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I...

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I...

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock

I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds...

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to...

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up they have no holidays.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up they have no holidays.

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, 'There's water in the...

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, 'There's water in the...

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my...

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

If we treated everyone we meet with the same affection we bestow upon our favorite...

If we treated everyone we meet with the same affection we bestow upon our favorite...

Show me love & affection and you'll get twice as much in return.

Show me love & affection and you'll get twice as much in return.

You cant change the way somebody shows affection towards you, everybody expresses themselves differently, period.

You cant change the way somebody shows affection towards you, everybody expresses themselves differently, period.

I do not want my house to be walled in on all sides and my...

I do not want my house to be walled in on all sides and my...

Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. [Roman 13:9]

Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. [Roman 13:9]

Our obligation is to give meaning to life and in doing so to overcome the...

Our obligation is to give meaning to life and in doing so to overcome the...

Women with pasts interest men because men hope that history will repeat itself.

Women with pasts interest men because men hope that history will repeat itself.

What does one woman see in another than a man cannot see? Tenderness

What does one woman see in another than a man cannot see? Tenderness