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Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.
#Fran Lebowitz
Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because...
#Fran Lebowitz
Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.
#Fran Lebowitz
Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.
#Fran Lebowitz
If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest...
#Fran Lebowitz
If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him...
#Fran Lebowitz
In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.
#Fran Lebowitz
My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as...
#Fran Lebowitz
My favorite animal is steak.
#Fran Lebowitz
Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want...
#Fran Lebowitz
No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he...
#Fran Lebowitz
Nothing succeeds like address.
#Fran Lebowitz
Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you...
#Fran Lebowitz
As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will...
#Fran Lebowitz
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
#Fran Lebowitz
Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women,...
#Fran Lebowitz
I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,' for it has been my...
#Fran Lebowitz
I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these...
#Fran Lebowitz
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