You killed a hundred thousand people? You must get up very early in the morning! I can't even get down the gym!

Quote by Eddie Izzard

Topics: Eddie Izzard Quotes

So in Europe, we had empires. Everyone had them - France and Spain and Britain...

So in Europe, we had empires. Everyone had them - France and Spain and Britain...

I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.

I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They're just pretty people singing music...

Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They're just pretty people singing music...

I think on the seventh day, God was running around, going, Oh, my God! What...

I think on the seventh day, God was running around, going, Oh, my God! What...

So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then...

So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then...

We have archeology on television, and I quite like it; its a sort of detective...

We have archeology on television, and I quite like it; its a sort of detective...

Never put a sock in a toaster.

Never put a sock in a toaster.

[Mock singing] And shall my sword sleep in my hand [Speaking] NOT a good idea,...

[Mock singing] And shall my sword sleep in my hand [Speaking] NOT a good idea,...

So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then...

So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then...

Puberty is the sickest joke God plays on us. So you're just noticing members of...

Puberty is the sickest joke God plays on us. So you're just noticing members of...

They tend to come out a colour called 'Pants left in wash'

They tend to come out a colour called 'Pants left in wash'

So my choice is 'Or Death?

So my choice is 'Or Death?

I'm a one-man idiot.

I'm a one-man idiot.

Socrates was killed by his own people. He was! [Nods head]. Coz he questioned everything...

Socrates was killed by his own people. He was! [Nods head]. Coz he questioned everything...

MAC gave me 55 lipsticks to test. These are the same lipsticks I got caught...

MAC gave me 55 lipsticks to test. These are the same lipsticks I got caught...

You killed a hundred thousand people? You must get up very early in the morning!...

You killed a hundred thousand people? You must get up very early in the morning!...

They are playing politics with this issue, and sending mixed signals to our troops and...

They are playing politics with this issue, and sending mixed signals to our troops and...

When you look at the startling ruins of Nuremberg, you are looking at a result...

When you look at the startling ruins of Nuremberg, you are looking at a result...

We will always strike first. We will always deliver the first blow.

We will always strike first. We will always deliver the first blow.