When you're stressed; You eat Ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets. Why? Because stressed spelled backwards is Desserts. Mind = Blown.
Facebook Status Quotes
If your girlfriend gets jealous it's because she's faithful. If another girl has your attention...
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, 'Try not to act...
Things that probably shouldn't be broken: 1. Hearts 2. Promises 3. Condoms
Hey Verification Code, I have no idea what the f*ck that says but I swear...
There is no bigger waste of time than a shower followed by huge dump.
A girl's status will tell you more about how she feels than she ever will.
The less people you chill with, the less problems you deal with.
Dear food commercials, Nobody eats in slow motion with their eyes closed. Sincerely, normal people...
Who else sneaks in their own candy to the movie theater? 10$ for a bag...
I hate when I can't remember if I am drying off my face with the...
It's a bird! It's a plane! Oh wait..It's the flying f*ck I will never give.
Admit it; you're scared to text him because you feel like you're annoying him.
Waking up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and avoiding all...
Facebook should change the relationship status from 'Its complicated' to 'Sammie and Ronnie'
They say you are what you eat. Well that's funny...I don't recall eating a sexy...
If I am ever in the middle of a shooting, i'll just lay on the...
Lifes like a bird, its pretty cute until it dumps on your head.
Dear life, when I asked if my day could get any worse, it was a...
Many's the long night I've dreamed of cheese - toasted, mostly.
Red meat is not bad for you
If you're really a mean person you're going to come back as a fly and...