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Communism is like Prohibition, it's a good idea but it won't work

Communism is like Prohibition, it's a good idea but it won't work

Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

If the other fellow sells cheaper than you, it is called dumping. 'Course, if you...

If the other fellow sells cheaper than you, it is called dumping. 'Course, if you...

Pain is such an uncomfortable feeling that even a tiny amount of it is enough...

Pain is such an uncomfortable feeling that even a tiny amount of it is enough...

Live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.

Live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.

Our investigations have always contributed more to our amusement than they have to knowledge

Our investigations have always contributed more to our amusement than they have to knowledge

Successful colleges will start laying plans for a new stadium; unsuccessful ones will start hunting...

Successful colleges will start laying plans for a new stadium; unsuccessful ones will start hunting...

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

About all I can say for the United States Senate is that it opens with...

About all I can say for the United States Senate is that it opens with...

Alexander Hamilton originated the put and take system in our national treasury: the taxpayers put...

Alexander Hamilton originated the put and take system in our national treasury: the taxpayers put...

The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has...

The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has...

I have always noticed that people will never laugh at anything that is not based...

I have always noticed that people will never laugh at anything that is not based...

An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make...

An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make...

It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you.

It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that...

The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that...

Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till...

Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till...

I have always said that a conference was held for one reason only, to give...

I have always said that a conference was held for one reason only, to give...

Luck affects everything; let your hook always be cast; in the stream where you least...

Luck affects everything; let your hook always be cast; in the stream where you least...

I will prepare and some day my chance will come.

I will prepare and some day my chance will come.