Asking Europe to disarm is like asking a man in Chicago to give up his life insurance.
Quote by Will Rogers
Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for finishing it......
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.
All I know is what I read in the papers
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back...
Never miss a chance to shut up
The time to save is now. When a dog gets a bone, he doesn't go...
So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the familiy parrotto the town gossip.
Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.
Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be...
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit...
Youve got to go out on a limb sometimes, because thats where the fruit is.
Liberty don't work as good in practice as it does in speeches
I never lack material for my humor column when Congress is in session.
If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these acceptance speeches there...
Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.
Make crime pay. Become a Lawyer.
Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.
If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny...
Humanity is the crime; God is the criminal.
It is nature's law that rivers wind, trees grow wood, and, given the opportunity, women...