My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one.

Quote by Bob Hope

Topics: Funny Quotes, Parents Quotes

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the...

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the...

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's...

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's...

If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants...

If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants...

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into...

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into...

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance -waiting for the...

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance -waiting for the...

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

I'm so old they've canceled my blood type.

I'm so old they've canceled my blood type.

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for...

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for...

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things -...

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things -...

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.

He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.

He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.

I like to play in the low 70's. If it gets any hotter than that...

I like to play in the low 70's. If it gets any hotter than that...

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies

Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies

Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.

Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.

I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.

I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I love to go to Washington -- if only to be near my money.

I love to go to Washington -- if only to be near my money.

If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as they do...

If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as they do...

I thought using the Ayatollah's money to support the Nicaraguan resistance was a neat idea.

I thought using the Ayatollah's money to support the Nicaraguan resistance was a neat idea.