Its hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

Quote by George Burns

Topics: Dirty Quotes, Funny Quotes

Be quick to learn and wise to know.

Be quick to learn and wise to know.

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.

It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased...

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased...

How can I die? I'm booked.

How can I die? I'm booked.

Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life.

Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life.

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman -...

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman -...

How beautifully leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days.

How beautifully leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good...

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good...

Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember...

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember...

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper...

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper...

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have...

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have...

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a...

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a...

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only...

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only...

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running...

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running...

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides,...

I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides,...