I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

Quote by Roseanne Barr

Topics: Housekeeping Quotes, Humor Quotes

I was completely nuts for most of my life.

I was completely nuts for most of my life.

I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and...

I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and...

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants...

My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants...

It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about...

It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about...

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take...

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take...

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband...

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband...

Excuse the mess but we live here.

Excuse the mess but we live here.

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time?...

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time?...

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

The thing women have got to learn is that nobody gives you power. You just...

The thing women have got to learn is that nobody gives you power. You just...

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the...

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the...

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be...

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be...

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

I call everyone 'Darling' because I can't remember their names.

I call everyone 'Darling' because I can't remember their names.

Housekeeping is like being caught in a revolving door.

Housekeeping is like being caught in a revolving door.

The dearest things in the world are our neighbor's eyes; they cost everybody more than...

The dearest things in the world are our neighbor's eyes; they cost everybody more than...

Conservative humor is frankly harder than liberal humor. You get points for just being liberal....

Conservative humor is frankly harder than liberal humor. You get points for just being liberal....