I figure if my kids are alive at the end of the day, I've done my job.

Quote by Roseanne Barr

Topics: Roseanne Barr Quotes

Excuse the mess but we live here.

Excuse the mess but we live here.

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be...

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be...

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband...

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband...

My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants...

My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the...

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about...

It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about...

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be...

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be...

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the...

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the...

I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my...

I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my...

I know how to do anythingI'm a mom

I know how to do anythingI'm a mom

The thing women have got to learn is that nobody gives you power. You just...

The thing women have got to learn is that nobody gives you power. You just...

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a...

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't...

I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't...

I was completely nuts for most of my life.

I was completely nuts for most of my life.

A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of...

A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of...