Dear Face Wash Commercials, nobody actually splashes their face with water like that. Sincerely, my whole damn bathroom floor is wet.

Topics: Funny Facebook Status Quotes

Teens moms, calling yourself a mother because you gave birth is calling me a doctor...

Teens moms, calling yourself a mother because you gave birth is calling me a doctor...

Easily the best thing about Facebook: The ability to read other people's fights.

Easily the best thing about Facebook: The ability to read other people's fights.

I probably could stand a chance on American Idol if I could bring my shower...

I probably could stand a chance on American Idol if I could bring my shower...

Going to the toy store, pressing the 'TRY ME' button on a toy and it...

Going to the toy store, pressing the 'TRY ME' button on a toy and it...

My 'check engine' light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and...

My 'check engine' light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and...

Dr: Are you sexually active? Me: Yes I'm a Facebook whore.

Dr: Are you sexually active? Me: Yes I'm a Facebook whore.

Exit Facebook, close laptop, get into bed, unlock phone, check Facebook ....

Exit Facebook, close laptop, get into bed, unlock phone, check Facebook ....

If strippers can be called exotic dancers, then drug dealers should be called exotic pharmacist.

If strippers can be called exotic dancers, then drug dealers should be called exotic pharmacist.

If you watch Jaws backwards; it's actually a film about a shark that throws up...

If you watch Jaws backwards; it's actually a film about a shark that throws up...

I wonder if a receptionist at a sperm bank has ever used the phrase: 'Thanks...

I wonder if a receptionist at a sperm bank has ever used the phrase: 'Thanks...

That one annoying relative who comments on everything you do on Facebook.

That one annoying relative who comments on everything you do on Facebook.

That awkward moment during a test and you don't know any of the answers, so...

That awkward moment during a test and you don't know any of the answers, so...

Deja Vu is when God thinks something is so funny, that he has to rewind...

Deja Vu is when God thinks something is so funny, that he has to rewind...

If you try to watch the movie Titanic backwards...it's actually about a magical boat that...

If you try to watch the movie Titanic backwards...it's actually about a magical boat that...

When I was younger, I would put my face close to a fan & talk...

When I was younger, I would put my face close to a fan & talk...

Sometimes at home I talk in my sleep, but at school I sleep while others...

Sometimes at home I talk in my sleep, but at school I sleep while others...

I wonder who the first person was to see an egg come out of a...

I wonder who the first person was to see an egg come out of a...

Does anyone have that light switch in their house that they really don't know what...

Does anyone have that light switch in their house that they really don't know what...