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I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In...

I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In...

A hotel is a temporary aquarium for people. Thats why I travel with a fishing...

A hotel is a temporary aquarium for people. Thats why I travel with a fishing...

When I saw you, I saw love. When I saw you naked, I saw lust....

When I saw you, I saw love. When I saw you naked, I saw lust....

Dont go looking for pancakes when you have flapjacks at home.

Dont go looking for pancakes when you have flapjacks at home.

I went to a football game once and got punched in the face, but you...

I went to a football game once and got punched in the face, but you...

I may not be a horse whisperer, but I certainly can and do shout at...

I may not be a horse whisperer, but I certainly can and do shout at...

Whether you live to be 50 or 100 makes no difference, if you made no...

Whether you live to be 50 or 100 makes no difference, if you made no...

The US is about to go all Billy the Kid. Inflation is going to keep...

The US is about to go all Billy the Kid. Inflation is going to keep...

From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we...

From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we...

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull...

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull...

I want to be happy and sad at the same time. Yeah, I know it...

I want to be happy and sad at the same time. Yeah, I know it...

My two favorite colors of the rainbow are gold and leprechaun.

My two favorite colors of the rainbow are gold and leprechaun.

The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn't around...

The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn't around...

If I told you Ive worked hard to get where Im at, Id be lying,...

If I told you Ive worked hard to get where Im at, Id be lying,...

If you work in a hospital, you cant easily fake call in sick to work....

If you work in a hospital, you cant easily fake call in sick to work....

The dollar isnt worth its weight in gold, and the pound isnt worth its weight...

The dollar isnt worth its weight in gold, and the pound isnt worth its weight...

All men are created Equal. Some just have more Splenda.

All men are created Equal. Some just have more Splenda.

The other day I went to the Huddle House. I wasnt hungry, I just wanted...

The other day I went to the Huddle House. I wasnt hungry, I just wanted...

Football is an incredible game. Sometimes it's so incredible, it's unbelievable.

Football is an incredible game. Sometimes it's so incredible, it's unbelievable.

Sectional football games have the glory and the despair of war, and when a Texas...

Sectional football games have the glory and the despair of war, and when a Texas...

You can fool all the people all the time if the advertising is right and...

You can fool all the people all the time if the advertising is right and...