Borrow your wife's pink slippers just to go check the mail and everybody in the whole damn community will stop by to chat. True story. FML.

Quote by Donny Norris

Topics: Funny Quotes, Witty Quotes

Most of the time when people laugh at me...I'm not trying to be funny.

Most of the time when people laugh at me...I'm not trying to be funny.

Laughing at our friends, we avenge the disappointment they have caused.

Laughing at our friends, we avenge the disappointment they have caused.

Memory in youth is active and easily impressible; in old age it is comparatively callous...

Memory in youth is active and easily impressible; in old age it is comparatively callous...

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

Age appears to be best in four things, - old wood best to burn, old...

Age appears to be best in four things, - old wood best to burn, old...

Each age has deemed the new-born year. The fittest time for festal cheer.

Each age has deemed the new-born year. The fittest time for festal cheer.

In the end, everything is a gag.

In the end, everything is a gag.

In this age of the rule of brute force, it is almost impossible for anyone...

In this age of the rule of brute force, it is almost impossible for anyone...

The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than...

The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than...

Live your life and forget your age.

Live your life and forget your age.

Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most...

Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most...

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares?...

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares?...

The question Who ought to be boss is like as Who ought to be the...

The question Who ought to be boss is like as Who ought to be the...

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

Doing nothing is very hard to do...you never know when you're finished.

Doing nothing is very hard to do...you never know when you're finished.

My play was a complete success. The audience was a failure.

My play was a complete success. The audience was a failure.

If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants...

If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants...

No man but a blockhead ever wrote, except for money.

No man but a blockhead ever wrote, except for money.

I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.

I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.

The witty woman is a tragic figure in American life. Wit destroys eroticism and eroticism...

The witty woman is a tragic figure in American life. Wit destroys eroticism and eroticism...