Borrow your wife's pink slippers just to go check the mail and everybody in the whole damn community will stop by to chat. True story. FML.

Quote by Donny Norris

Topics: Funny Quotes, Witty Quotes

Most of the time when people laugh at me...I'm not trying to be funny.

Most of the time when people laugh at me...I'm not trying to be funny.

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you...

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you...

One's age should be tranquil, as childhood should be playful. Hard work at either extremity...

One's age should be tranquil, as childhood should be playful. Hard work at either extremity...

Something that has always puzzled me all my life is why, when I am in...

Something that has always puzzled me all my life is why, when I am in...

I have always paid income tax. I object only when it reaches a stage when...

I have always paid income tax. I object only when it reaches a stage when...

I find it hard living in a day and age where people are unwilling to...

I find it hard living in a day and age where people are unwilling to...

The philosophies of one age have become the absurdities of the next, and the foolishness...

The philosophies of one age have become the absurdities of the next, and the foolishness...

I look at going to Hollywood as going behind enemy lines. You parachute in, set...

I look at going to Hollywood as going behind enemy lines. You parachute in, set...

I see L.A. as a beautiful blonde with dirty underwear.

I see L.A. as a beautiful blonde with dirty underwear.

The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case

The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case

Litigation takes the place of sex at middle age.

Litigation takes the place of sex at middle age.

Win hearts, and you have hands and purses.

Win hearts, and you have hands and purses.

Sex is a two-way treat.

Sex is a two-way treat.

I have had a holiday, and I'd like to take it up professionally.

I have had a holiday, and I'd like to take it up professionally.

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.

The harvest of old age is the recollection and abundance of blessing previously secured.

The harvest of old age is the recollection and abundance of blessing previously secured.

The only war we ever had was the time we ran out of Mr Kipling...

The only war we ever had was the time we ran out of Mr Kipling...

Sex is a two way treat and is only dirty when it's done right.

Sex is a two way treat and is only dirty when it's done right.

Mathematics consists in proving the most obvious thing in the least obvious way.

Mathematics consists in proving the most obvious thing in the least obvious way.

It is impossible to love and be wise.

It is impossible to love and be wise.