My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty-five years.
Quote by Paul Merton
On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where...
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have...
My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some...
Black and Mexican jokes are all the same. Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal.
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up...
It's easy to fool the eye but it's hard to fool the heart.
All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons.
When I was your age, television was called books.
Brewers enjoy working to make beer as much as drinking beer instead of working .
In the age of acorns, before the times of Ceres, a single barley-corn had been...
Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...
Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo.
If I am still standing at the end of the race, hit me with a...
There is little chance that meteorologists can solve the mysteries of weather until they gain...
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't...
Democracy becomes a government of bullies tempered by editors.
The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is...
[B]est friends, [B]ack stabbers, [B]ad grades, [B]ad friends [B]itches everywhere. - The [B's] Of high...