My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty-five years.

Quote by Paul Merton

Topics: Funny Quotes, School Quotes

My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some...

My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some...

On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where...

On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where...

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have...

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have...

Whenever the talk turns to age, I say I am 49 plus VAT.

Whenever the talk turns to age, I say I am 49 plus VAT.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

Valentine's day has gotten blown way out of proportion. Valentine's Day just used to be...

Valentine's day has gotten blown way out of proportion. Valentine's Day just used to be...

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the...

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the...

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.

Sunday clears away the rust of the whole week.

Sunday clears away the rust of the whole week.

The trick is to stop thinking of it as 'your' money.

The trick is to stop thinking of it as 'your' money.

One of the worst things that can happen in life is to win a bet...

One of the worst things that can happen in life is to win a bet...

Don't bother me at work...unless cake is involved.

Don't bother me at work...unless cake is involved.

The sumptuous age of stars and images is reduced to a few artificial tornado effects,...

The sumptuous age of stars and images is reduced to a few artificial tornado effects,...

At middle age the soul should be opening up like a rose, not closing up...

At middle age the soul should be opening up like a rose, not closing up...

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Never wear anything that panics the cat.

Never wear anything that panics the cat.

Watch the costs and the profits will take care of themselves.

Watch the costs and the profits will take care of themselves.

Only in America do these peasants, our mothers, get their hair dyed platinum at the...

Only in America do these peasants, our mothers, get their hair dyed platinum at the...

Your body is the baggage you must carry through life. The more excess the baggage,...

Your body is the baggage you must carry through life. The more excess the baggage,...

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Grades are a problem. On the most general level, they're an explicit acknowledgment that what...

Grades are a problem. On the most general level, they're an explicit acknowledgment that what...