Middle age is when you still believe you'll feel better in the morning.

Quote by Bob Hope

Topics: Age Quotes, Funny Quotes

I thought 'Deep Throat' was a movie about a giraffe.

I thought 'Deep Throat' was a movie about a giraffe.

When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot...

When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot...

If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.

He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance -waiting for the...

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance -waiting for the...

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you...

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you...

Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough

Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough

Your ignorance cramps my conversation

Your ignorance cramps my conversation

I'm so old they've canceled my blood type.

I'm so old they've canceled my blood type.

Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.

Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.

I'll tell 'ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people

I'll tell 'ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people

If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants...

If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants...

I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.

I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's...

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's...

I love to go to Washington -- if only to be near my money.

I love to go to Washington -- if only to be near my money.

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for...

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for...

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things -...

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things -...

The past is never there when you try to go back. It exists, but only...

The past is never there when you try to go back. It exists, but only...

We ought not to look back, unless it is to derive useful lessons from past...

We ought not to look back, unless it is to derive useful lessons from past...

The past can't hurt you anymore, not unless you let it.

The past can't hurt you anymore, not unless you let it.