I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

Quote by Jack Handey

Topics: Better Off Dead Quotes

Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.

Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.

Love is not something that you can put chains on and throw into a lake....

Love is not something that you can put chains on and throw into a lake....

Love is not something that you can put chains on and throw into a lake....

Love is not something that you can put chains on and throw into a lake....

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I...

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I...

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the...

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the...

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it

It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking...

It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking...

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then...

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then...

If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadores came...

If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadores came...

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first...

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first...

I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out...

I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out...

If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is...

If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is...

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then...

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then...

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay...

If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay...

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all...

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all...

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh...

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh...

In many instances, marriage vows would be more accurate if the phrase were changed to...

In many instances, marriage vows would be more accurate if the phrase were changed to...

On his running for California Governor: It's the most important decision I've had to make...

On his running for California Governor: It's the most important decision I've had to make...

When the age is in, the wit is out.

When the age is in, the wit is out.

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you...

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you...