I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

Quote by Elayne Boosler

Topics: Better Off Dead Quotes

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's...

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's...

I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.

I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.

To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy.

To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy.

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a...

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a...

Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus...

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus...

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out,...

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out,...

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a...

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a...

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.

I don't think of myself as a poor, deprived ghetto girl who made good. I...

I don't think of myself as a poor, deprived ghetto girl who made good. I...

Well-behaved women seldom make history.

Well-behaved women seldom make history.

Look like a girl, act like a lady. Think like a man and work like...

Look like a girl, act like a lady. Think like a man and work like...

Women represent the triumph of matter over mind, just as men represent the triumph of...

Women represent the triumph of matter over mind, just as men represent the triumph of...

A woman is like a tea bag, you can not tell how strong she is...

A woman is like a tea bag, you can not tell how strong she is...

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.

I set my own course through the ocean of life.

I set my own course through the ocean of life.

I think men are afraid to be with a successful woman, because we are terribly...

I think men are afraid to be with a successful woman, because we are terribly...

In our society, the women who break down barriers are those who ignore limits.

In our society, the women who break down barriers are those who ignore limits.

God made man stronger but not necessarily more intelligent. He gave women intuition and femininity....

God made man stronger but not necessarily more intelligent. He gave women intuition and femininity....

If by strength is meant moral power, then woman is immeasurably man's superior.

If by strength is meant moral power, then woman is immeasurably man's superior.