If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures, to teach him to do some tricks. But ONLY if you're serious about…

Quote by Jack Handey

Topics: Friendship Quotes, Love Quotes

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then...

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then...

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the...

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the...

If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is...

If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is...

It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking...

It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking...

I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out...

I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out...

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh...

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh...

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then...

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then...

Love is not something that you can put chains on and throw into a lake....

Love is not something that you can put chains on and throw into a lake....

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

Love is not something that you can put chains on and throw into a lake....

Love is not something that you can put chains on and throw into a lake....

A funny thing is if you're out hiking and your friend gets bit by a...

A funny thing is if you're out hiking and your friend gets bit by a...

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all...

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all...

If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadores came...

If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadores came...

Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I...

Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I...

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first...

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first...

To learn and never be filled, is wisdom; to teach and never be weary, is...

To learn and never be filled, is wisdom; to teach and never be weary, is...

Love is the fulfilling of the Law.

Love is the fulfilling of the Law.

Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a...

Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a...