I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

Quote by Fred Allen

Topics: Fred Allen Quotes

Television is a triumph of equipment over people and the minds that control it are...

Television is a triumph of equipment over people and the minds that control it are...

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of...

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of...

I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.

I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood and place it in the navel of...

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood and place it in the navel of...

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and...

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and...

An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.

An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the...

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the...

A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.

A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known,...

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known,...

Television is a triumph of equipment over people and the minds that control it are...

Television is a triumph of equipment over people and the minds that control it are...

A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can...

A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can...

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a...

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a...

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you...

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you...

A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the...

A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the...

The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on...

The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on...

Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group...

Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group...

An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.

An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.