Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

Quote by Fred Allen

Topics: Killing Quotes

Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too...

Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too...

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a...

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a...

All that the comedian has to show for his years of work and aggravation is...

All that the comedian has to show for his years of work and aggravation is...

An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy...

An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy...

Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission

Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

When a radio comedian's program is finally finished it slinks down Memory Lane into the...

When a radio comedian's program is finally finished it slinks down Memory Lane into the...

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a...

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a...

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on...

The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on...

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the...

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the...

The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.

The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.

Television is a triumph of equipment over people and the minds that control it are...

Television is a triumph of equipment over people and the minds that control it are...

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the...

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the...

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.

Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice.

Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice.

Sometimes when people are under stress, they hate to think, and it's the time when...

Sometimes when people are under stress, they hate to think, and it's the time when...

Employees make the best dates. You don't have to pick them up and they're always...

Employees make the best dates. You don't have to pick them up and they're always...