Hosting the Oscars is like making love to a beautiful woman - it's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal's out of town.

Quote by Steve Martin

Topics: Funny Quotes, Hollywood Quotes

Well, excuuuuuse me!

Well, excuuuuuse me!

There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught...

There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught...

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.

Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!

Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!

I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't.

I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't.

There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught...

There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught...

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

I believe that sex is the most beautiful, natural, and wholesome thing that money can...

I believe that sex is the most beautiful, natural, and wholesome thing that money can...

When your hobbies get in the way of your work - that's OK; but when...

When your hobbies get in the way of your work - that's OK; but when...

The real joy is in constructing a sentence. But I see myself as an actor...

The real joy is in constructing a sentence. But I see myself as an actor...

An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he might...

An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he might...

Comedy may be big business but it isn't pretty.

Comedy may be big business but it isn't pretty.

All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work.

All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work.

Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start...

Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start...

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money...

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money...

You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.

You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning,...

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning,...

Television is to news what bumper stickers are to philosophy.

Television is to news what bumper stickers are to philosophy.

Almost everyone has or will experience getting dumped in their lifetime. Unless, of course, you're...

Almost everyone has or will experience getting dumped in their lifetime. Unless, of course, you're...

Religion is probably, after sex, the second oldest resource which human beings have available to...

Religion is probably, after sex, the second oldest resource which human beings have available to...