Hosting the Oscars is like making love to a beautiful woman - it's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal's out of town.

Quote by Steve Martin

Topics: Funny Quotes, Hollywood Quotes

I believe in eight of the ten commandments; and I believe in going to church...

I believe in eight of the ten commandments; and I believe in going to church...

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money...

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money...

I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't.

I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't.

There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught...

There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught...

All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work.

All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work.

You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.

You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!

Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!

Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order...

Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order...

I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it once was... an...

I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it once was... an...

The real joy is in constructing a sentence. But I see myself as an actor...

The real joy is in constructing a sentence. But I see myself as an actor...

I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The...

I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The...

I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you...

I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you...

Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order...

Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order...

Comedy may be big business but it isn't pretty.

Comedy may be big business but it isn't pretty.

I believe that sex is the most beautiful, natural, and wholesome thing that money can...

I believe that sex is the most beautiful, natural, and wholesome thing that money can...

An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he might...

An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he might...

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch...

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch...

You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all...

You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all...