I believe in eight of the ten commandments; and I believe in going to church every Sunday unless there's a game on

Quote by Steve Martin

Topics: Belief Quotes

Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke

Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke

All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work.

All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work.

You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.

You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.

I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you...

I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you...

There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught...

There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught...

Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start...

Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start...

I believe that sex is the most beautiful, natural, and wholesome thing that money can...

I believe that sex is the most beautiful, natural, and wholesome thing that money can...

Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order...

Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order...

There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught...

There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught...

I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it once was... an...

I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it once was... an...

Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order...

Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order...

Well, excuuuuuse me!

Well, excuuuuuse me!

Hosting the Oscars is like making love to a beautiful woman - it's something I...

Hosting the Oscars is like making love to a beautiful woman - it's something I...

Comedy may be big business but it isn't pretty.

Comedy may be big business but it isn't pretty.

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

Love is a promise delivered already broken.

Love is a promise delivered already broken.

An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he might...

An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he might...

Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It's something I only...

Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It's something I only...

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch...

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch...